28/07/2018 – Terling 1st XI vs Havering atte Bower 1st XI

Big Time Barry makes his long awaited return

Game day came around after one of the hottest summers week of the Century, which meant only one thing, somewhere around the country Terling were in action. They were hosting a high flying Havering at The Dismals. 

 A couple of changes made to the side from the previous weeks abysmal batting performance at Rayleigh, Humphries passed a late fitness test due to a back injury, Wilding made the side and was given another chance to improve with the bat. Tesco all rounder Andy Hodgkiss, all time legend got himself in the side due to his outstanding performance at the start of the season away to Havering (1 ball, 1 wicket – better bowler the Dumphries) and Big Time Barry finally wielded to the Chairman’s incessant WhatsApps and made himself available – having guaranteed the Chairman 3 wickets and 30 runs…

 Terling found themselves in the field first under the dark clouds hovering over the village, K Dawson, skipper for the day, opened the bowling with his favourite son, Ginge (no doubt wanting protect the little mite from the sun due later on)  and opening up the hill with Quizzimodo Tompkin. 

It wasn’t long before Sammy the Sealion flapped at one behind the stumps and dropped it, in Tompkins first over. Rumour has it, he was more worried about the 50p he still owed Mark Ovenden from 2007 for petrol money. 

Dawson was the first to get the breakthrough clean bowling the opening batsmen. The opening bowlers then didn’t have much luck as the number 2 and 3 of Havering looked settled. This was until G Woolfenden came up the hill to the left handed opener, it looked like he had skied one over cover and the ball would have raced away for 4. Humphries jumped and stuck one hand up in the air like leaping salmon, snatching the ball majestically out of the sky – casually – just like plucking apples from a tree. Wicket number 2 for Terling. G Woolfenden raced over to embrace Dumpers, along with the entire squad – these guys then set about organising a duvet day to watch the Loved Island finale. Woolfy then had his second victim of the day trapped LBW, overweight, big brother , Barry wasn’t having much luck at the opposite end bowling his slow leg spin/off spin/ whatever it was – even he couldn’t tell you!

On came the skipper to see if he could unsettle this dangerous partnership, looked like he had there best batsmen plum LBW, however much to the disappointment of the Terling side, the umpire was having none of it, and was somehow given not out.  

Tompkin came back on up the hill and was next to take a wicket, danger man at number 3 who was settled and could easily have changed the game was caught fantastically on the boundary by Hodgkiss, who chucked his fag out of his mouth, dropped his speedway scorecard, trundled 15 yards..and took a sliding catch in front of the boundary rope. Observers in the grandstand were on their feet applauding, the Terling players ecstatic – and Andy just as casual as ever – stating he hadn’t seen it and didn’t know what all the fuss was about. He thought he was catching a cake!!

A few bowling changes and Humphries was given an over, Big Time Barry came back into the attack and much to his delight picked up his first wicket, A Taylor was even chucked the ball towards the end, even he managed to pick up a wicket! An awful full toss which wasn’t put away and safe hands Tompkin sent the batsmen back to the pavilion. There was a run out from Club Chairman Harrison, after an awful misfield, the batsmen got mixed up and Harrison threw one to the bowlers end where the skipper made no mistake in dislodging the bails from a few yards away! Kinda made up for him dropping a dolly at slip… £2 to the beer fund much to the delight of The Sealion!!

 The Havering innings was all but over and were restricted to 199 off their 45 overs, which at one point, looked like they could have got 40-50 more runs. 

 Terling required 200 to win off 45 overs at a rate of just under 4.5 an over this was no easy task for Terling, especially with Wilding and Bird opening the batting. The skipper told the opening pair, he wanted us to be at 25 off the first 10 overs. Fortunately, Maths teacher Wildo can count, as Terling were 28 off 9… Terling knew they needed to get off to a good start and a few fours coming from Birdy (who celebrates his birthday on Thursday) was obviously getting a bit excited, hitting 4 boundaries, the most he’s hit since the early 70s. 

He was first to fall being bowled by a slower ball, by slower we mean lucky if it hit 10mph…  

This brought Alex Taylor to the crease who also wasn’t out there for long but hit a very quick 25 before being trapped plum LBW… His mother, however, did make a wonderful Victoria sponge for tea, which more than made up for his lack of runs and several dropped catches in the field!!

In came skipper K Dawson to join Wilding who was going about his usual duties just plodding along before he was caught for a steady 20. Just what the squad needed, however, Wilding must have felt a tad unfortunate having seen off the opening bowlers and starting to loosen his shoulders, to dolly one to cover…

Big Time Barry – time to step up… in front of his wife (who was wearing oversized sunglasses, so we cannot confirm whether she was actually awake or not!!)and boyyyyy did he, joining the captain at the middle still needing 120 to win, was a Terling collapse going to happen like it usually does? Not on your Nelly…  Dawson fell for 23 so in came part timer Hodgkiss, who just looks to be aging more and more every week. Must be a tough job stacking those shelves!

Anyway… that part timer hit a beautiful 4 (much to the delight of the Chairman, who was busy reminiscing about when he and Andy were actually good!) Andy was admirably supporting Barry at the other end, who was starting to crash the ball all around Terling, the target looking less and less in danger and Barry capable of bringing the boys home. Hodgkiss fell, so younger brother Gavin joined Tris at the crease…

Surely these 2 would bring us home? Nope – Gavlarr was there to congratulate Tristan who had just reached his 50 and then Gavin was bowled. In came Humphries’s with a nervy Terling balcony, 12 was required from 4 overs Big Time Barry said we can do this in singles? So first ball Humphries carts the opening bowler over mid wicket for 6, all but over now ..next ball the bowler goes for revenge, bowling a no ball at the head of Humphries – who then ran a single to put Barry on strike, the big man then clipped the opener off his legs playing a wonderful 4 behind square… 

Wimbledon may be over but this was certainly GAME, SET and MATCH. 

Job done T Woolfenden finishing on a match winning 59* #Hero. Thankfully so, as the Chairman had worn out all the grass surrounding the pavilion, pacing around, nervously expectant! 

 Tune in next week when we make the lengthy journey to Burnham on Crouch, I’m not really sure where that is, but it could be near the sea side..so hopefully the weather holds off and the Terling boys bring the points home. 

 I’ve been your reporter for today’s game, until next week toodle pip 

Due to some bad weather midweek, Channel 44 we’re unable to get to the game this week. Liam Humphries Channel 69 news.

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